I Want My Money Back!

I want my money back!  The venders hiked up the price on the popcorn and soda, and they’ve made a covert deal with the theater across town.  I can tell because the prices in that theater are just as high if you take into consideration the quality of the facilities and the surrounding neighborhood.  I bet I could smuggle some soda in here, but it wouldn’t be socially acceptable . . . even though everyone else realizes the swindling as well. 

I’m not enjoying the show.  The previews promised more excitement, better graphics, strong romance, and a little comedy.  The reality of the show is different.  There’s no climax, just surging anticipation and subsequent disappointment followed by more surging anticipation and more upsetting disappointment.  And another thing, I can fucking tell you the ending right now.  The main character will die alone, depressed, and disappointed.  OH! I get it! This is one of those movies you have to be fucked-up to enjoy.  This is much better.  -antiwasp

Filed under: Artistic Writing, Culture, Death, Economy, General Sarcasm, Lessons Learned, Recommendations, Self Actualization, Wisdom, World Wide Policy

Is it okay if my children annoy me?

Is it okay if my children annoy me?  I love them and want the best for them but they get on my fucking nerves.  They talk for no reason about nothing and demand attention while they’re doing it, they yell, they squabble, and they’re always hungry and presume someone else will do something about it.  I help them when they need assistance, but I don’t help them when they can do things themselves.  I dedicate time daily to give them my undivided attention.  But sometimes I demand for them to play independently, and Wifey has a big problem with that.  Shouldn’t four to six year olds play independently for a few hours each day?  Is it wrong to expect them to do so?  Is Wifey living in a dream world to think that my patience wouldn’t wear thin after six years of constant and uninterrupted child on adult harassment?  I’m telling you they’re like fucking huge English speaking gnats that live forever and won’t go away.  Wouldn’t it be great if it was socially acceptable to dope them?  -antiwasp

Filed under: General Sarcasm, Parenting, Relationships

Professional Incite Explaining What Children Think About

Holy Shit! “A Little Curious” (Kid’s Show) on HBO is fucking awful.  What the fuck is going on inside my kids’ minds that this shit is more enjoyable than Half Baked, the News, or playing soccer?  The show is just a series of annoying squeaks, out-of-tune beeps, and irritatingly bright color flashes intermixed with intermittent snippets of children cheerfully squeezing balloons or playing the god-damn accordion.  This fucking shit should not be on at 6AM or any time before the coffee has time to digest.

Back to the point at hand . . . what the fuck are my kids thinking?  Right now my oldest is watching retarded shit on TV while jamming his left hand, re-enforced by the full strength of his right hand, into his eye and shoving his head as far to the right as he can while bouncing up and down on a futon.  My younger one is not watching the TV, but will surely notice when I change the channel.  He’s repeatedly making what sounds like “Zzzeee” reverberations under his breath while swinging his feet from a chair that’s too high for him, and pulling his shirt’s collar up to distribute the snot from the inside of his nose to the rest of his face.  They’re probably thinking about polka-dot unicorns, blissful leprechauns, and fucking pink marshmallows dancing around rainbows.  It’s a fucking cartoon in their heads where apparently someone gives a shit when they’re (wrongly) explaining the god damn game of baseball or requesting a Pop Tart shortly after saying their full after not touching their dinner.  -antiwasp

Filed under: General Sarcasm, Parenting