Making the Wife Suffer With: Who am I?

Do you think that you ever discovered who you are? I’ve settled it now, but it was a long road for me. I don’t even think that I should have been married without having that figured out. My wife had to suffer through my indecisions for a long time. I wonder if she was going through the same internal struggle at the same time that I was. It didn’t seem like it. If I had to guess she has know who she was for a long time, and it wasn’t difficult for her to figure it out. Maybe I appeared the same to her. But I did have numerous escapist fantasies like living on a deserted island and growing my own food or divorcing Wifey and moving to downtown Killeen to work for the city and reading books in my off time. I know what I want to do now. I need to figure out how to be a less selfish person. I think that’s important.  -antiwasp

Filed under: Character, Lessons Learned, Relationships, Self Actualization, Social Life, Wisdom

Intimacy or Isolation: Kids or Freedom

We all have to make a choice in early adulthood about whether we want to live our lives alone or with another person.  It’s a difficult choice to make, and I had to struggle with mine.  Did I want to form an intimate relationship that I would sacrifice for, compromise in, and eventually learn from, or did I want to be free, not tied down, and open to all new people and experiences?  I chose the former.  According to Erik Erikson if I had made the latter I would have been stuck in an emotional stage unable to progress to the next, and I would have passed up my chance to ever become wise. 

I have a married friend who has a choice on whether he wants to stay married or not.  He has big dreams about back-packing across the Appalachians for months at a time, taking road trips throughout the American Midwest, and traveling to other countries for employment without his wife.  All his big dreams exclude his wife, but one of the largest arguments that he and his wife have is that he wants children and she doesn’t.  It seems obvious to me why she doesn’t want kids.  He doesn’t want her, so how could he think that she would want to bear children with a person who is unwilling to sacrifice, compromise and learn from her.  He doesn’t want an intimate relationship, so she doesn’t want children. 

He is in a mental struggle, and his wife is witness and victim to it.  Intimacy or Isolation?  It’s his choice to make.  -antiwasp

Filed under: Character, Lessons Learned, Relationships, Self Actualization, So there I was . . ., Social Life, Wisdom

The Best Man (In Title)

I’m having trouble writing a best-man speech for my brother’s (second) wedding, which kicks off in a couple of weeks.  I’m usually pretty good at these things.  I’ve always referred to ”Life’s Little Treasure Book” by H. Jackson Brown, Jr., when I’ve confronted troubling situations.  I’ve read the book ever since 2001 when I stole it from my friend’s mother.  (Side point: Funny that something that came from such a heinous act could result in my realization that I should attempt to live a more moral life.)  It’s a book of quotes from a larger book that this Brown-guy wrote.  In it he says, “Don’t waste time waiting for inspiration. Begin, and inspiration will find you.”  Well in this matter he’s fucking wrong.  I’ve started several times, and all I’ve written is shit!  Pure shit from a donkey’s ass.  It’s frustrating, because I actually like my brother’s new fiancé, and I want to do a good job.   

I think the problem is that I’m at a crux in my life where I’ve realized that I don’t know shit.  I have a bunch of facts in my head, and I know plenty of theories, but I’m afraid that much of what I’ve spent so much time learning doesn’t really apply to life.  I’ve wasted almost 30 years.  How can I give my older brother advice in a speech when I’ve got no nuggets of truth or wisdom?  Fuck, I can’t even be funny for the guy, because I always muck jokes up.  Hell, I’m not even throwing him a bachelor party.  He’ll never say it, but he’ll most likely thing that I failed him.  Hopefully he’ll break-down before the ceremony, want to back out of the marriage, and I can talk him into going through with it.  That’s horrible.  -antiwasp

Filed under: Artistic Writing, Character, Relationships, So there I was . . ., Social Life, Wisdom, Best Man, Best Man Speech, Inspiration, Speech, Wedding, Wisdom